I thought that today I might share some fragments of what writing (re)love was like. I’m inspired by the concept of fragments in the way Willie James Jennings presents at the beginning of his book, After Whiteness (a must-read!) and thought I’d try something similar here.
the formation of the book wasn’t always a process I was aware of or always a process I particularly enjoyed, but the process did its work nonetheless. the book formed as my heart formed, a garden in need of nourishment and Son-light.
standing on a precipice
I wrote so many prayers to God during high school and college. I started by typing them on my phone as a daily journal, then later wrote in physical notebooks. But these were not poems in any sense of the word.
unknown is all I can see in the distance
today, I give thanks for the friends around me at seminary that have supported me being my authentic self. I shared a testimony in homiletics (preaching) class today about Genesis 1 and being nonbinary. I couldn’t have done it without that encouragement of my belonging.
I’ll be moving forward.
I think the oldest poem in the collection is “unknown.” it’s a short spoken word poem that I wrote before entering my junior year of college. I have a vague memory of writing part of it in a Costco while shopping for dorm stuff!
several months later, my sister performed/recited the “unreleased version” of this poem for a creative arts youth ministry concert that we were both involved in at the time (myself as a staff member, her as a student in the youth ministry). there’s a video of it floating around the internet somewhere. I hope to find it one day!
the poem morphed over time to its current state, with inclusive language and Love as the main character. it’s one of the few in the collection I have committed to memory.
she is the writer of the flawless circumstance
I remember my senior year, I wrote a creative prompt for my writing class called “26 letters” about how I loved collecting words, and about the fact every word in the English language comes from different combinations of the same 26 letters.
and the rewriter when I’m thoughtless, first one chance
I have been rather open about my encounters with PTSD, and deciding to offer my heart up to the the trauma healing process opened the door to so many of the poems in this collection. I’ve also dealt with mental illness that poetry couldn’t touch. medication has saved my life in that regard.
and a second when I stumble, she beckons then my humbled self to her side again
I published a book. I published a book containing some of my deepest joys and deepest pains. I did not used to be that kind of risk taker. but I am now.
I set my sights again on the precipice.
and this process of formation is still happening. the seasons are ever-shifting, as is seminary life. autumn nears, and I am so excited for the abundant harvest. be blessed, dear ones, as you continue on your own journeys; may the work of your heart and hands align in sacred and unexpected ways.
until next time,
—m.